I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
