ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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