Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
