We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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