She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize