No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize