My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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