How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
