Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
