Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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