Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
