I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
