I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
