Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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