We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
