Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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