There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
