is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
