Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize