i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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