i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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