So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
