But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
