You're my little dorito
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
