He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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