my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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