there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize