I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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