i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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