Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
