Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
