oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
