the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
