I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize