I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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