so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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