At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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