Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
