It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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