Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
