is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
