You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
