anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
