i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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