Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
