I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
