uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you would pick up someone in the library
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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