just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
