I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
