That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
