I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
