I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize