this just has baby written all over it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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