He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
