Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
