I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have fence marks all over my body
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize