did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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