never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
