I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
