Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
