I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
