so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
