I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
