I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
