I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
