y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
