Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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