I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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