Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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