We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
