We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
